it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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