wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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