Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
