I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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