the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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