i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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