Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
