Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize