Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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