his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
