You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
