i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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