after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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