The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
how does that bad decision feel?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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