Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
