The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize