the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
