32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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