oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
