I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
