I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
