My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
