Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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