whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
