I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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