I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
