Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
