Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
