You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
