I just made out with a guy for $7.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
