Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
