It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
