smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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