True but thats because hes a fetus.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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