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I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
