Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize