I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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