The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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