Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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