Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
