There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
