I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
