the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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