I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
