how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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