I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
