How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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