I heard we made out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
