the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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