Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
