If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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