How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
