You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
