My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
