But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
