just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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