Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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