Tell her she can't have a vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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