Don't make out with my wife yet
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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