I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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