ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
