I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
