I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
