omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
