I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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