STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
