He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
